Bark vs bite?

Over my 20 years so far of coaching self-defence, I’ve observed that students initially find it easier to act physically than to use their voice.

"Why can I punch, but It's hard for me to speak up?"

Although anecdotal, this does align with research on stress management and decision-making.

Why using your voice can be harder

than hitting back.

When under threat, the body may produce a range of defensive stress responses. These are often simplified as fight, flight, or freeze, although the reality is more complex and varies according to the person and situation.

Stress does not make the voice “shut down” first, but some folk may hesitate or become less able to communicate clearly or at all.

A simple, well-practised physical movement may remain relatively accessible, but that doesn't mean all physical skills improve under stress. It may help explain why someone can hit a pad, even if their technique is not perfect, yet struggle to shout “NO!” or “STOP!” convincingly.

I can't say no, or being loud can feel “wrong”

Many people have been socially conditioned to:

• Be quiet

• Be polite

• Avoid making a scene

Personally, I rail against those avidly and coach students to recognise when they may need to do the opposite:

• Be loud

• Be direct

• Make a scene

  
  

Context always matters.

Shouting is not guaranteed to stop someone, and there will be situations in which staying quiet or using another strategy is safer. However, in the right circumstances, the voice can establish a boundary, interrupt someone’s behaviour, and support an escape.

Physical action can feel safer than social confrontation

Many students appear more comfortable throwing a punch at a pad than raising their voice.

Hitting a pad feels okay because it is clearly permitted within the class.

Shouting “BACK OFF!” can feel socially risky or awkward.

Research supports the idea that social expectations and fear of negative evaluation can inhibit assertive behaviour. These pressures don't affect everyone the same way, but they can make speaking up feel harder than performing a permitted physical drill.

In a genuine confrontation, drawing attention may be exactly what helps, but it must be treated as one possible option, not a guaranteed solution.

Speaking creates a mental load

A physical response still involves perception and coordination.

However, a simple, familiar action may require less conscious verbal processing than establishing a boundary.

To use your voice, you may need to decide:

• “Is this serious enough?”

• “What should I say?”

• “Am I allowed to be this direct?”

• “Will shouting make me safer?”

That is a considerable mental load during an already stressful event.

This is why students need to practise using their voices, rather than merely being told that they should speak up.

Class culture matters

In many self-defence classes I have encountered, instructors usually devote more time to physical techniques than to boundary management, verbal resistance, and decision-making. Under pressure, people are more likely to access responses that are familiar and well practised.

NB: Repetition alone is not enough.

Training transfers more effectively when it includes realistic and progressively challenging scenarios.

If we want students to use their voices when appropriate, verbal skills must be trained as seriously as physical skills.

That means practising:

• Clear, concise boundary management

• Different levels of verbal assertiveness

• Deciding when speaking is, and is not the safest option

• Transitioning from verbal boundaries to escape or physical action

• Adapting when the first response does not work

The voice is not always the first or safest response. Neither is physical force.

Effective self-defence training should help people to train and recognise their options and practise choosing between them for the best solution.

Just like a punch, using your voice is a skill you can train.

#theselfdefencecoach