I gave up being nice.

I’m not against being kind - but note, being nice or aggreeable is optional and it should be known that one can choose not to be nice in a given situation. Niceness is not be attributed to women and girls only.

In my experience of working in both advertising and working in education being nice is not gendered and neither is being brought up to be nice.

The mere mention of girls being brought up to be nice, makes my blood rise to a simmer. I ask any of my friends and student parents who have girls and they will confirm and I paraphrase, I teach them to be kind but don’t take sh*t. Thinking which I also pass on to my students.

But being nice is important in social interaction and from the point of view of team work, no one wants to work with an arsehole. It could be viewed that nice people could be unassertive. Get walked over. But this is one view.

There are some neuroscience studies that say... I’ll stop now.

I will quote Gavin de Becker’s book, The Gift of Fear, we must learn and then teach our children that niceness does not equal goodness. Niceness is a decision, a strategy of social interaction; it is not a character trait. 

Be aware ‘nice’ is often used as a weapon of manipulation. People seeking to control others, almost always present the image of a nice person in the beginning. When we are confronted by niceness it can be used in order to gain something. Abusers start off as being nice. “But they were so nice, I can’t believe they did that?”

I’m not against being pleasant. For me giving up nice means I’m not afraid of confrontation and there are certainly benefits of agreeableness.

So strike a balance, we can be polite and kind, neither are a weakness. Just note how it is perceived and don’t take sh*t. #theselfdefencecoach

Pic: Opinions and cap are authors own.

Cap is not nice, it was purchased from Nice, in the South of France.